This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
