She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
