I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
