high people should be assigned attendants
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Randomize
