If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
