are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize