I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize