if you like me you must not know who I am
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
