we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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