I heard we made out
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
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