I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
