I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
im about as happy as oj after his trial
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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