real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
