if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
