What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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