I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize