Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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