i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
