So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
