I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
