So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
