I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
