Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
