I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
