As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
