Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
