He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
