i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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