You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
