doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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