Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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