he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize