Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Say something about gay babies.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
