I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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