ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
