i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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