He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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