Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
