Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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