I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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