just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
