dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize