I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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