You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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