apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I have aggressive nipples.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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