someone get that fucking seahorse.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
