Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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