you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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