I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
