I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
