Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
