I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
