Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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