he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
