Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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