It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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