it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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