In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
