remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
