Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
